Writer and comedian Keaton Patti tweeted on Wednesday that he forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write its own version. Prepare for pasta nachos and lasagna wings.
The scene opens with a group of friends meeting at Olive Garden for dinner, when a waitress delivers “what could be considered food.”
“Food” includes pasta nachos that are “warm and defeated,” lasagna wings with “extra Italy,” and unlimited stick.
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/CKiDQTmLeH
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) June 13, 2018
The waitress and the rest of the friend group completely ignore Friend 2, who declares “I shall eat Italian citizens.” Instead, the waitress breezes past and tells the group that Olive Garden’s unlimited stick “is infinite.”
“It is all,” she says ominously.
The script takes a more menacing tone when, after being asked what’s wrong, Friend 4 silently opens her mouth and reveals it’s full of “secret soup.”
Then in what the script calls a “wet voice” the announce says: “Olive Garden. When You’re Here, You’re Here.”
Who knew Olive Garden commercials had so much potential for horror shorts?
The messages in the script resonated with Twitter users.
"There's more Italy than necessary" feels like an accurate description of every dish on the Olive Garden menu.
— Emmy Potter (@emmylanepotter) June 13, 2018
tag yourself i'm friend 3 "leave without me i'm home"
— emma lord (@dilemmalord) June 13, 2018
like the pasta nachos, I too am warm and defeated
— shauna (@goldengateblond) June 13, 2018
Although it’s unlikely that a bot actually wrote this — as @donohoe pointed out, 1,000 hours comes out to about 250,000 unique Olive Garden commercials.
Patti, who has also written for Comedy Central, The Onion, McSweeney’s, and Funny Or Die, made a series of these bot scripts. They’re inspired by Saw movies, Fox News segments, and infomercials.
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Saw movies and then asked it to write a Saw movie of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/peXPgjC1JY
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) March 1, 2018
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Fox News segments and then asked it to write a Fox News segment of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/OwjanC3b3Q
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) June 5, 2018
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of infomercials and then asked it to write an infomercial of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/4jDje0gjxk
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) May 30, 2018
Are the bots taking over? No, but they do want some secret soup.