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The 7 Stupidest Questions I’ve Heard About My Baby

Daddy blogger Clint Edwards admittedly has “no idea” what he’s doing.

A father of three, he regularly updates his large Facebook audience on the humorous happenings of life as a dad. Sometimes he’s giving two-year-old, Aspen, time to scream her head off in the car, because mom didn’t let her throw chicken strips at the dinner table. If it’s not that, he’s probably getting salty-eye-rolls from people at the farmer’s market for putting his daughter on a leash.

No matter the circumstance, one thing Clint Edwards DOES know how to do, is keep it REAL.

Back when Aspen was first born, Clint wrote a post about the “7 Stupidest Questions” he’s heard about his baby.

While Aspen was obviously a bundle of joy, and completely wonderful, Clint writes that having a baby is “exhausting.”

“It makes you sleepy and moody and sometimes, it makes you hate life and everyone around you.”

But the real kicker to having a baby is when people would ask he and his wife, “obviously stupid questions” about Aspen, and their life in the days since she’d been in it.

“They are always well intentioned, and outwardly, I always answer them graciously. But after a long night of being up with the baby, there is a sinister side of me that wants to lay into these people.”

So he took the opportunity to do what Facebook is best used for, and rant, sharing his all-too-relatable honest responses to the “stupidest questions” he’s been asked since bringing the baby home.

His post is proof that there should be a handbook about what NOT to ask parents…EVER.

No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog

1. “You look exhausted. Are you going to try and get some sleep tonight?”

An obvious statement about someone who’s been up for all hours since this tiny human made her way into the world.

“I do look exhausted. That’s because I was up until 3AM last night trying to resist the urge to tape the binky to my newborn’s face. The rest of the night is a blur of light snoozing, poop, and wet wipes. I will not even try to get some sleep tonight. I will not try to get some sleep for the next year, because it isn’t going to happen. Shut your stupid face with your quiet bedrooms and only one butt to wipe in the night… your own.”

2. “What’s that white stuff on your shirt?”

To which Clint gives the more than appropriate response:

“Puke. It’s always puke. Tomorrow, there will be puke on my clothes again.”

3. “Does the baby cry much?”

“Really? It’s a baby. Yes. She cries. All the time she cries. She cries when she’s hungry. She cries when she isn’t hungry. She cries because she doesn’t have the strength and coordination to lift her head off the floor. Most of the time, I don’t understand why she cries. Sometimes, I cry.”

4. “Are you making sure to help your wife?”

“You know what, it’s the craziest thing. Now that she’s had the baby, I just don’t care about her anymore. Her job is done. Why treat her like something of value? She had a 7lb baby ripped from a gaping wound in her stomach (C-section), and ever since she’s been home from the hospital, I’ve been having her spend long hours in the kitchen making me sandwiches.

The answer to your question is, yes! I have been very caring to my wife. In fact, I witnessed what the doctors did to her in order to make this little miracle happen. It was brutal. I almost passed out. And once it was all done, I realized that she’s the strongest person I know.”

5. ”Do you think this will be your last kid?”

“Don’t ask me a question like that. Look at my bloodshot eyes. I’m in the throws of hell right now. Your question is like asking me two weeks after getting food poisoning when I plan to eat at Taco Bell again. Ask me that question in a year.”

6. “I know it’s not exactly the same, but I got this new puppy, and it’s been keeping me up all night whimpering. I totally feel you!”

Clint acknowledges while this isn’t technically a question, it’s still stupid.

“No. Your new dog is not the same as my newborn baby. You can put your dog in another room, shut the door, and call it a night. No one will think less of you. You can leave it in the yard with some food and a water dish, and it will feed itself. Your dog can walk, eat, and lift its own head without assistance. When it comes to physical development, your puppy is a good year ahead of my newborn. It won’t always be this way, but for now, congratulations!”

7. “Does the baby look more like you or your wife?”

“Right now, the baby looks like a shriveled up Papa Smurf with black eyes and wrinkly hands. In three months, she will look like a toothless Alfred Hitchcock. I have no idea who she will look like at this point. But what I do know is that she coos a lot, and it’s sweet, and when I hold her, even though I’m tired, I can’t help but love her.”

Whether you’re a new parent, a seasoned parent, or someone looking into another’s personal window of life asking “stupid questions,” I think it’s safe to say, we’re all a bit clueless.

Thank goodness for dads like Clint who make us all feel a little less horrible about the thoughts we have through this journey called parenting.

h/t Faithit

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