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in Celebrities, Featured, Funny, Guest Submitted

21 Times Abbi Crutchfield Was The Funniest Person On Twitter

by ViraScoop November 2, 2017, 10:58 am 379 Views

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1.

People who finish their entire stick of lip balm without losing it first should be the only ones allowed to have kids.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 20, 2015

2.

All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes should be called Four Pancakes.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 15, 2017

3.

It's called "celery" because "cold, wet plant bones" takes too long.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 9, 2013

4.

I'm not saying my skin is dry, but British citizens are commending it for its wit.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 22, 2016

5.

Age ain't nothing but a number indicating how long you've been alive or how embarrassed you should be about what you haven't accomplished.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 21, 2015

6.

Why don’t grilled cheese and tomato soup just get married already?

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 2, 2017

7.

Why do we say something “smarts” when it hurts? It doesn’t smart. It dumbs! It dumbs a lot.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 29, 2017

8.

Concerned moms are always grabbing their collars. “Where have you been? My neck is FREEZING!” pic.twitter.com/H5CkftSWKo

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 27, 2017

9.

Not even Thomas Jefferson could decide on a selfie. pic.twitter.com/FAyBVJJ1qe

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) April 30, 2017

10.

A dog expert is a Rexpert. Next question.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 26, 2017


11.

Cash me inside wrapped in a blanket looking up cake-decorating videos on Instagram how bow dah?

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 26, 2017

12.

Imagine having a bottle of Worcestershire sauce in your fridge that WASN'T eight years old.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 27, 2017

13.

Reading about people who have pica that makes them eat things like hair and bark. "That's not even real food," I say as I reach for a Cheeto

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 24, 2017

14.

Only 1990s kids will remember this: playing Spades with my neighbors Omar and Tariq.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 28, 2017

15.

The 1920s term, “little scamp,” comes from scampi, when we used to sauté naughty children in lemon and butter as punishment.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 2, 2017

16.

To me, cows have always sounded more like they’re saying, “Meh.”

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 4, 2017

17.

Funny when you feel the world slipping away then someone goes, “It’s dark in here,” and turns on a lamp. “Oh! The sun was setting.”

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 2, 2017

18.

Songs with lyrics like, "We don't need sleep," why are you rebelling against naps? What are you–four?

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 28, 2014

19.

My main motivation for going to bed is knowing I can have coffee as soon as I wake up.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 9, 2016

20.

I ran into my old English teacher. He said, "Goode to see ye!"

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) July 21, 2011

21.

I nod at every teen I see with good posture in case it is really just some adult having a Freaky Friday.

— Abbi “QuaranQueen” Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 31, 2016

h/t theBERRY

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